NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need moral support for this bender
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drake has all the answers
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
