I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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