Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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