if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
