Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
