a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
