They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
