I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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