The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
