It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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