oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My balls are so social today.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
