You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
