he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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