I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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