can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
