Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
