I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
