Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize