everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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