btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
