HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
