I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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