Just cropdusted the office
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
