THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
cat food counts as protein by the way
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
