brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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