he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
