I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
