He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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