are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize