I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
