Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
