i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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