He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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