took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Less talking, more tequila
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
