mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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