Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
