What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
