Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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