His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize