My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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