thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
