I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize