Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
