If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
