My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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