I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm like, not good at living.
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