Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
