we're making bets on your personal life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
