If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
