Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Drunk is a universal language darling
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
