He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
