I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
