he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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