First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
