I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
