God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
