How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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