Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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