The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
