No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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