If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
