none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
