Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my poor anus
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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